JEFFERSON AIRPLANE

Waiting for the DANGER video to be released. It’s swimming around the depths of YouTube but it’s locked on private so no one can see it. At least that’s what I thought. I got an e-mail the other day from the gents over at I OH YOU. These guys are massive. They’re also the same guys behind ‘Cant Say’. Anyway, turns out the guys I work for showed them the video, and based on that one video - I OH YOU want me to work on a few video projects for them. Can anyone say ‘holy fuck!?’

I’m slowly making my way up to the big leagues.

The ability to post your thoughts to all of 100 followers when you’ve consumed your weight in wine is never a good idea.

I need some form of NetNanny to keep me off it. Something along the lines of DrunkNanny. Or DrunkSlut. Or FuckHead.

Shit is going to get real these holidays. Downloading the entire series. The truth is out there. Get on it, cunts.

My house is a mess. There are two holes in the wall, one made by me slamming a bottle of vodka into it. I threw up in the sink and my friend threw up over the balcony. I made everyone promise that if we weren’t going out for my birthday we were to get as fucked up as humanly possible.

I think I have whiplash. This is the worst morning of my life.

It’s the day before I turn 21. It doesn’t feel like a milestone, yet I feel like it should. I was joking around with this guy the other day; I said things, he said things, and then he said “I don’t know how you have to many friends with the way you behave.” It kind of shocked me. It was all in fun, but he was kind of right. I’m a cunt.

But here I am, drinking because my housemates and a few others decided that me staying in for the eve of my 21st wasn’t good enough.

Nice guys finish last. Cunts finish first. Lesson learned. I love my friends.

How the fuck do I get more?

This Friday is the screening of my first (proper) film. And by proper I mean actually shot on film. Expensive film. 16mm is a bitch. Anyway, it’s playing at Swinburne’s 2nd Year Showcase and has been picked as the opening film for the night.I’ve been saying all year how film students need to stop treating film like an art and start treating it like a business. You can still have artistic credibility whilst creating an easily accessible product. Making a film people might actually like isn’t such a scary thing. I just don’t want to look back and all I have to show is Diane Simmons’ ‘Lint’.

In the worst mood and don’t even know why. My housemate started getting ready at 5pm because she has nothing to do but drink. I’m following suit by dressing up and mixing my first vodka by 5:30. I bought a shirt because I was sick of the same old thing. Got buyers remorse, but couldn’t take it back. Tried to shoot a few pickups for this music video but failed miserably. Not to mention I looked like a complete wanker filming leaves in the wind. Not planning on eating dinner despite the fact that I’ll be fucked out of my head in the coming hours. Alcohol’s fun when you’re with the right people. Not sure if I’m the right person though. Probably going to regret whatever I do tonight. Whether it be swear, drink, fuck or throw up. Trying to keep my parents happy though. Keep it to a minimum. My Pop’s still dying and I’ve still got this headache. Not sure if the two are related. Doubt it. But still. The last thing he said to me was “I better nick off to the beach before the sun goes down”. I keep thinking about that. It was such an odd goodbye. I’ve thought about going to the beach. To have a proper goodbye. Just me. But then we weren’t that close. So it’s confusing. What are you supposed to say? We never had much to do with each other but now that you’re dying let’s be close. Not sure what to think. Pretty sure my headache is related. I need sleep. And food. They say you shouldn’t drink when you’re depressed but I don’t even know if I’m that. I think if anything could sum me up right now it would be this dog:

Waking up in a complete haze, no memory of the night before, texts from guys I don’t remember and a a few dramatic explosions on the way. This is the only book I keep coming back to when I think about all this. Summing up everything from nihilistic conversations to random sluts on the dance floor.

Life can be fun when you stop giving a fuck.

So two days ago the world was supposed to end. The heavens were to fall from the sky and judgement would rain down upon us. But like most biblical visions, these predictions were false.

I like to think about the world ending sometimes.

Makes for an interesting train trip home.